I'll admit it.
I’ve been in a rather slow, challenging but perhaps the most important season of my life since early July of this year.
After a straight year of productivity, 2 months of pure progress on my brand, and plans for the future, things slowly gone completely out of control for me.
It was a slow descent into chaos.
My energy levels and sleep were at the lowest in my life.
My productivity and performance was going into shambles.
My desire towards relapsing (a no-fap term) had re-surfaced 1.5 years later.
My need for comfort, distraction, and instant-gratification had sky-rocketed.
Yes. The truly pure, bizarre, and surreal unknown had knocked me out.
It truly felt like I wasn't in control. I more felt like I was possessed . Possessed by some sort of different and foreign energy. Unexplainable and un-articulatable. I couldn't for the life of me communicate the why or how. It just happened.
But because of this, I was pissed off. Rageful. Angry. I wanted to fight against it. I wanted to overcome it.
It felt "stupid and pointless" that this thing was happening to me. To sit there like a “bitch,” idling and floating through space, not doing much useful for myself.
I just made new realizations and insights about my highest aspirations that I wanted to run towards. But all I could have done was hardly crawl towards it.
All I could do was get maybe some work done but then I’d end up paralyzed.
Staring at my screen, and then get distracted, side-tracked by something else.
From there, it just got frustrating and I felt truly and utterly horrible. Fearful. Anxious.
I thought I was losing my groove.
I thought that I was “disabled.”
I thought I was going to get worse.
Thus a barrage of thoughts materialized itself.
“What the hell would other people think of me if I’m not making progress?”
"What would happen if I'm unable to go towards my aspiration?"
"Nobody can help me. Nobody can understand me"
This was just the start of one of the most weirdest and challenging seasons in my life.
I thought I was alone Constant and consistent linger feelings of comparison kept suddenly hitting me from here.
To see that everyone is making much more progress and more results than me, stung.
I preached the advice of "not comparing yourself" but isn't it hard to NOT compare yourself to other people (you look up to) when you haven't been doing anything?
Isn't it hard to not feel alone when other people can't understand you or your current predicament?
And the more I thought about it, the more worse I felt. I kept letting my ego grasp and clutch tightly on the negative. Never allow myself to see the broader picture.
I truly felt alone here. Nobody could "understand me" anymore.
Throughout some more weeks of these weird thoughts, feelings, emotions, suddenly... I finally stopped being so goddamn dense.
I finally opened my eyes.
I saw and felt that other creators and peers around me were going through their own versions of challenging times in their lives as well.
Going through the DMs. Seeing people's posts. Being in conversations. And surprise, surprise, I wasn't the only one special, weird case, or phenomenon here. I wasn't alone.
Even if they weren't going through the same, unexplainable events as I did, I couldn't deny the struggle that they were going through.
With that, I finally realized that I was just caught up in my head, being mislead. The exteriors of social-media. The delusions I thus had created for myself.
From here it was time... time to slowly started getting rid of the notion that I was alone. The notion that people would look down on me. The notion that these times were just "random and useless."
Thus that gave me some hope marching forward and persevering through these tough moments. Instead of seeing it as a burden, perhaps, I could see it as a great blessing.
It lasted longer than I thought Though I thought this challenging season was going to end soon... exactly by the end of July.
But I was wrong. This would stretch itself out for longer than I thought.
I'd go through these months with some "ups and downs" but the lack of progress still persisted. That "regression" had still had it's foot on me.
Whether it be walking, sitting alone, or sleeping, I kept asking myself "when will this end?" It felt quite surreal, confusing, and not going to lie, hopeless .
But throughout these persisting weeks, it was something that I was taught that I had to "pay my dues" and learn.
To learn to see this long and vast season as a much required and needed lesson.
Even though it is the hardest pill to ever swallow, I realized that there is an important reason, meaning, and lesson behind all of this. It didn't last long for nothing. It wasn't painful for nothing. It was perhaps, life, or the cosmos trying to communicate something to me.
Thus I had to swallow that solid and harsh pill... It wasn't day 1 to do this, more like day 30. Or perhaps, day today.
But now I am led here.
Somehow writing and completing this letter to you.
A back and forth newsletter that I was working on throughout these recent few weeks, but I'm actually here and ready to finally share this now. My lessons, insights, and teachings that I've learned to use—which I wish I was given to make this season a bit lighter on me.
But this isn't a type of medicine you can take to suddenly fix the effects of your challenging season, but it will grant you at least a better direction. So I am sure this will serve you well :)
But anyways let's get into it.
The purpose of “negative” seasons “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” - Napoleon Hill Now some would call these life cycles, seasons, or tough transits (astrology term). These are challenging and possibly unknown, unexplainable, or lengthy moments in your life. But of course, serve a greater purpose in our lives than we can ever comprehend or articulate.
Like I was before, to think that these types of seasons are only negative and bad is also a stupid idea. As well as thinking you are alone here.
Because I can guarantee you, many people are going through the same thing—without even anyone knowing or showing that to anyone else.
They may be in a situation, a scenario, or in a set-back (or even going through something completely un-explainable to common logic).
You name it, everyone is going through many different, unique moments in time that can’t be categorized and generalized into one thing.
Like what those popular self-improvement videos try to do, to help you.
And what’s worse is we tie our identity and self-worth to the progress that we make (like I naturally do) and we judge and almost discriminate against ourselves for the lack of progress we make.
On the contrary, we also may have the proclivity to judge other people as well; which is our unconscious projections of our residing unresolved-conflicts occurring deep inside.
The thing is, why should we look down at these slower, challenging, and lengthy moments in our lives, whether it’s to ourselves or to other people? Why should we ever sulk at these times when there is clearly such a rich and fine opportunity for growth? A moment where life is perhaps, telling us something?
For that, there IS a specific reason for why these seasons happen. It is for us to be challenged and pressured more than our current “maximum threshold” we currently possess.
For you, you are like a muscle-fiber. If you want to grow, expand, and get stronger, the old you needs to be stressed and destroyed to give room to a new you. A stronger, mightier you. The archetypal hero’s death, rebirth, and transformation in a sense. That is the point your challenging season. For you to come out of them prevailing. Educated, experienced, and integrated.
Though for that to happen isn’t going to be easy like all things good isn’t.
Thus I’ll be here as a guide for us while referring to some philosophical schools of thought that allows us to traverse through these moments in our lives.
And most importantly, prevail on top.
Allow acceptance “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” - Friedrich Nietzsche Twilight of the Idols It is admittedly easier to be fighting against the moment you are in. Trying to work when you can’t. Trying to do things as fastly, swiftly, and forceful as possible. Or perhaps, even get angry and rageful (like I do). But this isn’t the way.
The way is to have the capacity to accept, cherish and love the current moment no matter what it is. It is about breaking free from judgement of what is “the good, the bad, or the mundane,” but to let yourself just sit and experience what is in front of you.
This relates to the philosophy of “amor-fati.” It is a latin term meaning “love of fate,” introduced by the the 19th century German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche.
We must be radical with accepting “what is,” no matter what it is. Or how Nietzsche would say it, expressing an affirmation of our lives. Not just in hard times, but in every time.
Through this acceptance and love is the door-way towards new opportunities, understanding, and growth. Yes it is a harsh challenge to "accept ourselves to accepting," but that is the real point, isn't it?
Acceptance is where things will start to resolve themselves, but for things to resolve themselves in the first place won't be easy.
So this is where we will keep going deeper :)
Realizing your capacity for power Misery is the first many steps you have to take before reaching sublimity - WIN Though let’s be honest, it is hard to accept things as is or even have any slight amount of hope that things will get better when we let our egos do the thinking and decision making. Because he is the one that doesn’t want to accept things, he rather prefers to grip tight on the negative and the worst.
There is a positive utility behind biasing the negatives (humans wouldn’t survive if that was the case) but for right now, it is mostly to our detriment. That is why we must be aware of him and push him “aside.”
We have to give room for another person, his name is power.
Amor-fati is the way towards realizing your control and strength. Similar to Nietzsche’s notion on the “will to power,” it is about empowering you to bear the heavy weight, tremendous pain, and challenge but still prevail and overcome it. A power for you to become unwavering, unfaltering, and unstoppable. For you to be the victor, instead of the victim.
Yes, it is easier said than done, especially it is dependent on how severe and difficult the times you are in.
But it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter how negative your current situation is.
It doesn't matter how stupidly long your challenging season lasts.
It doesn't matter how weird you have suddenly and unknowingly changed.
Because at the end of the day, it is easier to be in your head.
Letting your ego clutch tightly on the negative and the “worst.” Constantly sulking and fighting against the predicament or finding ways to escape reality, rather than to look at things in a way that is objective, optimistic and empowering.
But the more you keep fighting and escaping, the more you will be forced to really confront it. And oh man! You don’t want to be forced.
For you to be truly accepting, embracive, and empowering isn’t easy. But nothing good ever is—which makes it worth everything to have.
Just remember, you possess much more power than you think. Though, to truly access that reservoir of power is through acceptance.
Allow Harmony Less and less do you need to force things, until you finally arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. - Tao Te Ching To allow great acceptance, we must allow great harmony.
Even with the great feeling of empowerment and embracement, it is still easy to find yourself overthinking and ruminating on future scenarios. Potentially letting yourself going down in a spiral of anxious emotions and intrusive negative thoughts. Just like I did.
It's those thoughts of “how would this get better?” or “what can I do?,” or "what if?-"
But in fact, news-flash! The reality is, you don’t need to do much to make this better .
Because nature has it’s way of "fixing" you naturally as long as you are still in accordance towards meaning (your highest purpose) and a direction for you to follow.
That is what being in harmony is. It is about being a follower of your intuition and having great trust that things will some how be fine, even if it looks like it won't. This is how things get lighter for you.
Like the Chinese Daoist philosophy of wu-wei. Wu-wei translates to “non-doing,” or “without action,” but it doesn’t mean you are waiting and idling. You are being in natural accord with the cosmos—going with the natural flow of life while using your intuition as a means towards navigating the times and taking action.
This is better way than causing tension or fighting against the current times you are in.
You can debate whether this is the right philosophy to embody in life but in struggling times like these, it’s better to let things naturally arise and take bold action when it’s right.
Though this takes more discipline and mental effort than you think—to think that things will get better without you needing to worry or do so much for it to happen.
But to allow things to resolve themselves, there are some few steps we need to do.
So this is where we shall continue.
Rest to regenerate If you find yourself in a time that you struggle doing what you used to do, like working for 5 hours/day, working out 5 times/week, you name it—prioritize your rest and decrease your effort.
Can’t work on your project for 2 hours? Work on it for 1. Can’t workout with 3 sets/ exercise. Do 2 sets. You see what I mean?
It’s counter-intuitive and it may seem quite lazy (that’s what I especially thought).
From experience, I just wanted to “work my ass off” and do everything. I’m the type of guy that is impatient and likes to do things, but the more I tried to force myself to do things I felt I wanted to do, but couldn’t, it got draining.
I was wasting time and energy trying to work and do more than I could. I was feeling much more anxious right on top of that. I thought I was “stupid” or something—when it wasn’t me, but it was the moment in time that I was in.
That’s why I emphasize decreasing effort.
No, you are not renouncing yourself from your tasks and duties but it’s a strategic move of conserving energy as you can so you can rest your mind and body as much as you can. So you can use that time to recover and reflect (which I’ll get into). Or perhapssss get yourself even more sleep.
And when things you come out of your current season, you can put that built up, residing, potent reservoir of energy into use.
That’s what being in harmony is. Instead of fighting, you are resting and regenerating.
Seek inward for wisdom and direction Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. - Carl Jung Now through this period of rest, we can prioritize the rest for a deep contemplative, and introspective period in our lives where we can search for guidance and direction.
Because chances are you are like me. You feel lost or confused. Maybe you have accumulated some bad habits during this season.
You might even feel like you are just floating through space and “going through the motions” of time. I know how it feels, you just want to find a direction.
If you are like me, you may find yourself constantly searching for knowledge and answers that can help give you that direction. Knowledge that’s found within books, YouTube videos, podcasts, or friends—you name it.
I recommend research but if you aren’t receptive to that information or you are not finding value, then stop seeking for that “answer.” Because that answer lies within you.
You possess much more wisdom, insight, and knowledge than you can ever comprehend or even articulate. But that very wisdom is buried deep within your psyche. You can only access that wisdom once you stop seeking for answers outwardly and instead, seek inwardly.
To seek inwardly, you must put yourself in introspective solitude during your current season.
Which means reducing 80% of your:
phone time social media duration or any distraction that pulls you away Allow your attention to not be directed towards someone else, but directed towards you.
With that, the main focus with this introspective time is to have a true intention and dedication to put yourself back on a better direction.
A sense of rigorous alone-time and intentional contemplation is required to do that.
So use much of your free time to journal or introspect to:
learn from your current season and time practice acceptance and see opportunity for growth understand how you are feeling, what your thoughts are, etc. deconstruct and resolve any negative habits or patterns you've accumulated (if needed)craft a better direction and plan for you to follow And since I mentioned "finding direction", it can be for:
getting yourself back to where you were slowly going back towards your highest aspirations once again overcoming the negative patterns you've built and moving forward When I say journal, this isn't just normal journaling. You are journaling to go truly deep.
You are digging into the dirt of your mind and excavating hidden knowledge, new-found clarity, and a sense of direction—which is that gold you are finding.
But don't think you will be able to resolve everything on day one (perhaps not even day 30). Clarity, direction, and a sense of "meaning" will uncover themselves naturally and automatically to you. But it will take patience on your end.
Though, even if it does take "long", it shouldn't matter. Do the journaling and digging anyways because there will be a noticeable benefit: peace of mind.
But if things take long to show themselves to you or resolve themselves, there is a reason for it.
It will happen when you are ready for it.
When the light appears, we can run With your extra free time, spending time to do:
runs or walks to ruminate and think spending time to drive to different places being totally alone to be present or in your mind Everyday, will make a huge impact in terms of your mental state, contemplation, and introspection.
A once you’ve found yourself a better direction (or at least a small sense of it), opportunities for growth and change will come at your doorway knocking at you. Things will get better, noticeably and undeniably better.
As for me right now, writing this newsletter, things still need to resolve itself and I am solely accountable to make that happen—as we all are.
But we must allow ourselves to just be patient, present, and persevering throughout these times and let things unfold as is. No matter how many months it takes.
Again I’m not saying this is easy (and I still struggle with it), but nothing good ever is. But I am truly confident and I bet my true word that things will get better and the shadows will start to fade away. Then the light will appears.
That’s when we can rise from our sleep and do what we ought to do:
write those blogs make more capital focus on acquiring skills plan and build those projects strive towards the ends of the earth New opportunities, growth, and success will lie ahead as long as we stick it out and keep moving through these difficult times. But with every great disaster, meets with great triumph. And I know from the bottom of my heart, you will get better.
Allow your tragedy to be the gateway towards your glory.
Update From here, I will be trying to limit myself to writing under 2.5k words and writing newsletters bi-weekly.
I may need some time to work on my offer and work on slowly increasing the frequency of the newsletter, it'll just keep things more seamless and easy for me to do.
With that said, I am still in "that season" but I do sure hope I transition slowly into another one. But I can never discount the amount of profound insights, realizations, and lesson I found within myself from this season, so I am truly thankful for that to happen.
Though knowing me, I wanna go fast so I can spread my message on the creator economy and transform it. But I know great things take time.Thus it shall will.
But with that, thank you for reading :)
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